DarrellHines

People break up sometimes… Sometimes, it seems to me that this is all they do, so often they have to deal with breakups. But it's not about that. Rather, on the contrary, about meetings. They break up with some, they meet with others. How it happens when you are not twenty, but a little or significantly more. Meetings, it's not such an easy thing, especially if the last date was with an ex or with an ex years ago,... in general, there was a time, but a long time ago. Everything is fine with communication when it comes to everyday life or a contract at work or debriefing with a cool lady of a child, but a date is completely different. You go on a date to find a mate. This thought alone simultaneously excites the imagination and creates tension, which is difficult to cope with. It seems that this is something indecent, and it is impossible to avoid assessments, but in the depths of the soul the taboo has not been abolished and you feel, as it were, out of place. How to behave, what to talk about, and what if he doesn't like me, and he just leaves. It doesn't matter to him or her, let it be the first date for women. How many problems could be avoided if you could communicate, say what you think, keep silent when necessary, take a pause and endure it. Communication can be easy, and so hard that it seems easier to dig up three hundred acres in mom's garden. But, nevertheless, the desire to do something for yourself, to get almost forgotten warmth pushes you to this terrible test of body and spirit. This is not an instruction on behavior and seduction. It is assumed that both know how to behave, know how much and what to drink and meet to change something for themselves. This is rather a reflection on the attitude to the first date after a long break. An image in the head. I have heard more than once: "A young man looks completely out of my style, and I don't understand why we are together." I wonder "from what rubbish" are the images of the desired man born? A bizarre combination of cinematic macho, a child's perception of a big and strong dad, attractively repulsive features of the former, a fleeting glance of an oncoming passerby, drawn by a stormy imagination - all this is mixed in a visual mixer, and here is the image of the desired prince on a white background... horse. What do you think is the probability of a match on a date? Leave your image at home, otherwise it will interfere with the process all the time and, in the end, spoil everything. Maybe you don't know what exactly you need yet, simply because this instance did not come into view and therefore did not leave its mark in the imagination. There is something in everyone that can hook, try to see a person without your own projections, however, even if you have communicated before, there are options for a different angle. The HR department is elsewhere. Sometimes it seems that the Gestapo would envy the questions with partiality. The only thing missing is the light in the eyes. Where she was born, how old is her grandmother and what is the grade in geography of the ball in the fifth grade. He should work in the personnel department. Finally, there are practically no white spots left in the biography, and suddenly it turns out that there is nothing more to talk about. In general, I went to an interview, which may well be mutual. Why do you need it? Biography is just a contour of a person, it is much more interesting to talk about what excites. Tell me what you're thinking and I'll understand you. Ask about hobbies, tastes, preferences. The partner's desires, especially intimate ones, will say much more about him than any personal data. If he talked about it, then he trusts. This is a good opportunity to captivate and understand by the response who is in front of you, and the biography and possible stamp in the passport will be checked at the registry office, from where it is never too late to escape, the movie clearly shows. Talk about what you are interested in. The search for common topics is testing for your own. And, if there are any, then the date can turn into a fascinating dialogue. Don't make comparisons. This is very difficult, because this process starts automatically, forcing right here, for the twenty-eighth time, to mourn the past relationship in which you were happy, if he, the traitor, would not be like that... In general, the comparison stimulates memories, and you involuntarily fall out of the dialogue and out of the present moment, which in turn makes you remember the style of communication with the former, and the person sitting opposite suddenly catches familiar manners and interest melts before your eyes. Here and now. This is something that many people forget about, plunging into happy memories of light, in the sense of kilograms, youth, or fantasizing about what kind of sports joint children will do. Falling out of reality in general looks like widespread insanity. Half of them moved to the virtual world, delving there at the slightest pause for unnecessary information or just to take a breath, in sports this is called time out, and in everyday life - social networks. It's understandable, it's hard to communicate without a break from the habit. Do not plan a future together on the first date, this is an attempt to find inner support, it interferes with the relationship. Personal space must be respected. It's different for everyone, experiments are not very useful here. In order not to make a mistake, do not ask someone else what you would not like to say about yourself. There may be quite a few painful topics, because there is already experience, "the son of difficult mistakes", which keeps the emotional temperature elevated in some areas. Gradually it will become clear what is appropriate with this person, and what is better to keep silent about. A hot phrase pronounced with a cold expression helps well from an uninvited invasion of your space. Princess. Some women sincerely believe that the initiative should always come from a man. He should be interested, entertain, and she will look after his efforts and treats them favorably or not very much. And this applies to everything, including communication. Here, such a princess has brought herself on a date and is waiting for what will happen next. Then the "prince", twitching, safely disappears. In our world, you can find a reasonable explanation for anything. In politics, this is called double standards, in psychology - rationalization, and in everyday life, a person chooses to strain himself as little as possible. Two people are involved in a relationship, sometimes one speaks more and the other listens, but this is always a dialogue, not an observation from the outside. Don't try to make an impression. With this thesis, I risk running into rotten tomatoes instead of applause, and yet... I want to look my best. A long ritual at the mirror, an elaborate costume, makeup. It is necessary to emphasize sexuality, easy thoughtful carelessness. They meet by their clothes. That's right, but don't overestimate it. This affects only the first impression, it is important. But there is a danger of artificiality, falsehood. You can not always play a role that is not close to you, sooner or later you will have to get out of the image. There are no instructions on how to make an impression, only if you need something else besides sex, you should think about what to do with it later. Be yourself, this is the most reliable way to enjoy. Natural behavior gives rise to ease of communication. This is exactly the case when the older you get, the less chances you have. Don't be too serious. Seriousness is not a sign of intelligence, rather the opposite. And how can I not remember Schwartz about the fact that people do the biggest stupidities with this particular facial expression. Humor makes communication easy, and if the interlocutor laughs, he is already half yours. Nothing relieves tension or awkwardness like a sincere laugh. Do not attach too much importance to the date. In the end, this is just a conversation between two adults, which, in fact, does not oblige anyone to anything. Maybe something will come out of this, maybe it's just a communication experience that, in any case, will come in handy. Do not rush to panic if the partner has not shown interest. It happens, people are completely different, it is felt in everything, and no one is to blame. It is better to say about incompatibility right away, so as not to attract yourself and your partner with a beautiful illusion. If you think calmly, then he does not suit you either, because there is no spark without reciprocity, and emotions are not connected with this person, but with problems of self-worth, behind them the notorious fear of rejection. Still, you need to trust yourself more than the first person you meet. It is unknown who has more active cockroaches. Well, if it sparkled, then openness, like the wind, will help the flame flare up, only fire safety should be observed, just in case.